5 Ways to Love the Unlovable
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
“I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never – I promise – regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst” – Luke 6:35 (MSG).
Most people don’t have a hard time loving the people that look, think, and act like them. It’s easy to love the people who love you back. It can be incredibly hard, however, to love those that society deems as “unlovable.” In this post we will explore 5 ways to love the “unlovable.”
What does it mean to be “unlovable?”
The “unlovable” are people that are especially hard to love. This may be because of something that they have said. This may be because of how they have acted. This may be because of a crime that they have committed. Whatever the reason may be, the unlovable are the people in our lives that we have a hard time loving.
How am I supposed to love Dylan Roof after he killed 9 church members during a prayer service at Emanuel A.M.E. Church in Charleston, North Carolina?
How am I supposed to love Nikolas Cruz after he shot and killed 17 students and staff at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Lakeland, Florida?
How am I supposed to love Martin Shkreli after he committed fraud, embezzlement, and hiked pharmaceutical drug prices from $13 to $750 per pill?
How am I supposed to love the white supremacists who marched in Charlottesville, Virginia where James Fields drive his car into a crowd of counter-protesters killed Heather Heyer?
These are obviously extreme examples, but there may be people in your life that you have difficulty connecting with, getting along with, and loving. Take some time and think about the people in your own life that you might have difficulty getting along with or that you might deem as “unlovable.” Keep that person in mind as we explore 5 ways to love the unlovable.
1. Remember that God is Love
First, it is important to remember that all human beings are created in the Imago Deior the “image of God.” God created humankind by breathing life into the dust. 1 John 4:8 says that “God is love.” Furthermore, Jesus calls his followers to love God ANDto love your neighbor as you love yourself (Matthew 22:37). Christians have the opportunity to offer God’s love to the people that nobody else loves. When you come across someone who is difficult to love, it is important to remember that God calls us to the radical and difficult work of loving everyone, including our enemies. We don’t have to agree with everyone or condone evil behavior, but we are invited to share God’s love as we seek to live in peace with God and one another.
2. Prayer
Prayer is a crucial way to offer love to the people that you may have difficulty loving. Prayer is an opportunity for you to speak good things into the life of someone else. It allows you to speak good things in your heart and over time this may change the way you see that person. Make sure you pray for them, but also make sure you pray for yourself. Here is a hint: if you are praying “Lord, please change this person who is always getting on my nerves and make them better” then you are probably doing it wrong. Yes, prayer changes things, but perhaps the thing that needs to change the most is your own attitude.
3. Put Yourself in their Shoes
A great way to gain a deeper understanding of the person you have difficulty loving is by putting yourself in their shoes. Maybe that work associate that always snaps at you is going through a tough divorce? Maybe your neighbor who keeps playing loud music is dealing with an economic crisis? You don’t always know what folks might be going through in their private lives. Try putting yourself in their shoes and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Often times when people act ugly toward you it is because something else is going on in their life at home.
4. Find a Connection
One thing that holds people back from loving an “unlovable” person is that people think they don’t have anything in common – and if you get a democrat and republican together in the same room it may seem that way. But one great way to love someone that is difficult to love is by trying to find a connection with them. It can be anything – even something small! Once you have established some common ground it may be easier for you to communicate with that person. And who knows, you may begin to find more in common than you originally thought.
5. Love from a Distance
If the “unlovable” person is completely resistant to your efforts to reach out in love, then it is okay to remove yourself from the relationship. It is important to keep safe and healthy boundaries. After all, it takes two healthy people to form a healthy friendship. All you can do is reach out, but you cannot make someone equally return that friendship. You can, however, continue to love someone from a distance.
Remember that no one is truly unlovable. It’s not always easy to love people that we disagree with. It’s not always easy to love people who have committed heinous actions against others. You don’t have to condone their behavior, but Jesus says that you do have to love them.
Take some time this week and try out one or two of these recommendations on some of the people you deem as “unlovable.” My hope is that your heart would be filled with more and more love for God and your neighbor.
